Being Part Two In An Educational Series

Greetings and salutations!

For those who are unaware, I, the Honorable and Distinguished Supreme Chancellor of the Highest Most Dignified Order of the Terribly Mighty Goose, have taken it upon myself to publish a series aimed at educating You, the Ignorant Masses.

Think of this Benevolent Act of Edification as a gift, in honor of whichever Wintertime Holiday you choose to commemorate.

As a side note, The Order, being a nondenominational organization, favors no particular Wintertime Holiday, though we believe Festivus does deserve a second look.

In the previous installment, I presented a brief synopsis of the history of The Order, taken from renowned occult historian and accomplished Rock & Roll composer, Nanker Phelge's, gem "The Birth of a Gander."

However it occurs to me that many of you we're left completely at a loss as to whom this Mighty Goose even is.

The Mighty Goose is an elusive, enigmatic beast. To describe the True Nature of such a being is both difficult and dangerous. It is said that "few have cared to describe the Goose, and even fewer have dared to."

Possibly the most complete account of the physical appearance Mighty Goose comes from the Three-Father's themselves:

"And before us stood upon webbed feet a feathered beast the likes of which not I nor my companions have ever witnessed. 10 foot tall if but an inch, its three beaked heads sat atop long elegant necks, themselves attached to a body vaguely reminiscent of a [Wintertime Holiday] dinner. As it spread its glorious wings, he engulfed us it what seemed endless shadow, as if casting the very Sun itself from his heavenly throne. In a flurry of dust and down, it set itself aloft upon its mighty span, off to complete its migratory pilgrimage south, but not before it spoke unto us one word: 'Rosebud'" [The Mighty Goose in His Revelation to the Three-Fathers, Anderson Council Publishing, (C) 1909].

The events of this account are believed to have occurred shortly after the Three-Fathers signed their pact and effectively created The Order as we know it.

An earlier account, attributed to The Third Father, elaborates upon The Mission Of The Goose, if not The Goose himself:

"I lay upon the grass blinded, on the edge of unconsciousness, and I heard a voice. Deep and powerful, it surrounded me. The voice said to me, 'Warrior, heed my words! Henceforth, Be ye Man or Woman, Lord or Peasant, Priest or Layman, ye shall never be beyond my Fury. Henceforth, act with humility and compassion, lest some unfortunate mishap of limited severity befall ye.'

"Suddenly, my sight returned, and I rolled over in the hopes of discovering from whence this voice was uttered. Alas, I turned only in time to witness a blur of gray and orange make haste for the heavens. [...] Crestfallen and downtrodden, I bandaged my paper cut and made the journey home" [The Mighty Goose in His Revelation to the Three-Fathers, Anderson Council Publishing, (C) 1909].

It was as such that the Tri-Goose Demigod made is presence known to the Founders of our Order, but, as it was later discovered, it was not by any means the beginning of The Goose's Tale.

Once again, we of The Order of the Mighty Goose thank you for your time, and ask that you continue to return and learn of our organization.

Happy Wintertime Holiday.

Novus Ordo Anserous.
Long Live The Goose.

Being Part One In An Educational Series

As His Exemplary Highness, The Honorable Archduke, Acting Supreme Overlord Of The Chief Executive Headmasters Of the Venerable Order Of The Quite Mighty Goose, I am often asked:

Were you always such a douchebag?

Yes.


But, enough about me.


I post today in an effort to educate the masses about the Vaguely Holy Order of the Astonishingly Mighty Goose.

To that end, I present an excerpt from 'The Birth of a Gander: An Introduction to the World's Most Secret of Societies' [Phelge, Nanker, Anderson Council Publishing, (C) 1962, 63, 75]

"Chapter 1: THE FOUNDING, or How To Lose Your Mind In Ten Days

Our Order was founded many years ago, in honor of, and out of support and respect for, the Ever So Necessary Earthly Mission of the Benevolent Goose of Humility.

"The who?" I hear you plead.

It's "whom," dear.

As I was saying, our Wise And Witty Three-Fathers became aware of The Triune Goose of Come-Uppance when The Third, Most Curly Father encountered His Winged Retribution on the field of battle.

The Beringletted Father left the field that day with nary more than his life and a lesson: Arrogance and Disrespect will always be met with naught but the Wrath of a Furious Fowl.

As he related his harrowing tale of the Immeasurably Magnificent Goose to the other Fathers, the Dashing One and Frodo-Fingers, a moment of unprecidented epiphany, a Tri-DADM of sorts, occured. It was in that instance these Three Most Distinguished Fathers realized what they most do:

To create an Order fit to spread the Mighty Goose's message; that of Peace through the Seemingly Random Yet Divinely Distributed Infliction of Minor Injury upon those of Slightly High Self Esteem, was the task set before the Fathers, and it is a task we uphold to this very day, and aim to continue far beyond any conceivable punchline."

We of the Order thank you for your time and ask that you return to learn more as the days go on.

Novus Ordo Anserous.
Long Live The Goose.